The week when my life was turned upside down

Singapore

We arrived sometime near midnight on 7 Feb(Sun). After an exhausting flight which totally blocked my eardrums, it always felt good to be coming back to our home sweet home in Sg. We are so glad that our house is pretty well-equipped, 'cos we always seemed to have everything we need to survive here, whenever we return to Sg.

On 8th Feb(Mon) morning, I met up with my Aunt at Mt A hospital before heading to see the doctor that she had kindly arranged for me. It turned out to be a female doctor by the name of Joy. I definitely felt more comfortable with her as compared to the male doctor in China. Joy did an ultrasound scan on me and also several core needle biopsies(later, I learnt that she took out 7 tissue samples from the infected area). The biopsies were definitely not pleasant. I had to be given 3 local anaethestics jabs, before being stapled/punched several times on my breast. I was very glad that I did not watch her as she did the biopsies. When Joy told me that it was over, I looked down at my breast and was horrified to see my breast covered with bloodied tissues papers. Apparently, Joy was trying to hint to me that day that something was not right with my breast. She mentioned that the ultrasound scan looked funny but I was not quick enough to catch her hint.

After the doctor's visit, hubby and I caught up with my aunt over lunch and we later visited my parents in the afternoon. I later met up with my brother and his family over Nyonya dinner that night. Though I was still feeling okay, I was starting to be wary of what I ate. For example, I starting to avoid eating prawns, just to be safe than sorry. However, never in my mind, did it occur to me that my world would be turned upside down the next day.

We were to scheduled to meet Joy again on 9th Feb at 11.30am. However, I had a hard time waiting for a cab near my flat, so I called Joy's clinic to tell them that I might be arriving late. The nurse who took my call was very unaccommodating and insisted that I must not arrive late, as there was another patient coming in at noon and Joy had to leave for a surgery at 1pm. In the end, I managed to hail a cab, only to arrive that around 11.45am.

Joy gave us the shock of our life when we stepped into her room. Apparently, she had thought that her nurse would have hinted to us earlier over the phone to prepare us for the bad news. However, the nurse did not mention anything except to tell us not to be late for appointment. We were therefore not prepared when Joy told us that the results were bad. She then went on to explain what the histo report meant, but my mind was in a blur, confused by all the medical terms in the report. I asked her to put it simply to me, what it meant and she said that the lab test results showed that it was breast CA. I asked what stage it was, only to find out that it was pretty advanced (Stage 3). As mentioned, I was mentally prepared for cancer, given my family history. However, I was definitely not prepared for such an advanced stage, as I always thought that it would take a long time for cancer to develop to Stage 3. Given that I only discovered this problem about 2 weeks ago, I never understood how it could be Stage 3 now. I had experienced no sudden weight loss, nor any loss of appetite. What's more, I just had a full-body checkup in the US in Nov (before leaving for China) and in Dec upon arrival in China, and everything was cleared. How did this ever happen to me?

I later asked Joy for the worst scenario and she said that I would have 2 more years to live. Hubby and I were totally devastated by the news. We could not stop crying in front of Joy and she had to offer us tissue papers. It took us some time to calm down. Joy said that she would have to send me for further tests, namely a blood test, ECG and CT PET scan. After leaving the clinic, my hubby and I decided to visit the chapel for a quiet moment to collect our thoughts. At the ECG clinic, I broke down again, only to be comforted by a Chinese nurse who reassured me that everything would turn out well in the end. I was very worried about my ECG results not knowing if the cancer has affected my heart.

I had to attend a briefing that afternoon at the Orchard Rd clinic where my CT PET scan was scheduled to take place on the next day. I called my brother to tell him the news and asked him to see if he could pick us up from Mt A. I was very thankful that my brother could always be depended on when I need him. Later, I could only remember that I was tearing away wherever I went to that day, be it at the cafe where we lunched or at the receptionist desk at the Orchard Rd clinic where I was briefed. Exhausted from all that had happened, I went home and later called my in-laws and my aunt to break the news. My mother-in-law, my sis-in-law and my aunt came by my place later in the evening to comfort us. Very grateful to them for being there for us in such times.

As required by the CT PET scan, I had to fast for at least 6 hrs before my scan at 9am on Wed morning. This was because I had to be injected with some radioactive tracers in my body which would be able to pick up some glucose content for diagnosis. After being injected with the radioactive tracers, I would have to lie still for an hour for it to flow through my entire body before I could be scanned. This is my first time doing a CT PET scan but I thought it was cool to be wheeled into something like a space capsule. The Filipino radiologist was very professional and he was able to make me feel calm about this (although I really dislike the idea of subjecting my body to any radiation). The whole process was about 3 hours long, and I was not supposed to have any contact with young children or pregnant woman after my scan.

I went back to Joy for another consultation on Thurs after my ECG, blood test, and CT PET scan results were out. My blood test was fine, and it didn't even show any tumor markers. My ECG was slightly off probably because I was very emotionally distraught when I took the test. However, Joy said that there were some questionable areas in my T7 vertebrate and my pelvic bones in my CT PET scan results. Nevertheless, she said that I should start chemo straightaway given the aggressive nature of my cancer, and she recommended a few oncologists. My aunt who was also with me then, also brought me to see Dr Wong who is a family friend(he treated my grandmother when she had cancer). Dr Wong was very kind and he gave me a very thorough examination and analysis of what my test results meant. He even put me in contact with one of his ex-patients who had breast CA so that I can set up my own support group. He also lent me a book which was written by his ex-cancer patient to motivate me to stay strong. At that point, I wished I had seen him instead of Joy in the first place.

Later that afternoon, we visited the oncologist at G Hospital who was recommended by Joy and further endorsed by Dr Wong. This was my first time visiting an oncology clinic and it really saddens me to see patients from all walks of life. There was a young teenage boy, some middle aged ladies, as well as foreigners who were ill with cancer. I wished something can be done quickly in medicine so that a cure can be found.

Dr Karmen turned out to be the most interesting doctor I have met so far. We had earlier heard from Dr Wong that Dr Karmen was from HK and she could be very straightforward with her comments. For some people, they might find her blunt but hubby and I actually liked her style-straightforward, to the point and she doesn't hide things. She was also very professional in her dealings. What's important is that I liked the fact that she has good connections with the rest of the professionals in the industry. She was also able to arm-wrestle her way for me to get an earlier time slot to do an MRI scan on my bones the following day, even though the clinic that was doing the scan had wanted to schedule me for a later time slot.

Dr Karmen suspected that I could be a ER+ case and I might qualify for a clinical trial on a new drug, pending the results of my MRI scan and my ER report. However, my family members were very skeptical about the trail, as I might be subject to certain restrictions and they wanted me to have the best care I could have. The next thing that Dr Karmen brought up was the cost of the whole treatment. Apparently, it would take me 4 chemo sessions, a surgery, followed by another 4 chemo sessions and a radiation. Suddenly, we had to reassess our financial situation and check to see if our insurance policies actually covers me for this. It is never easy having to deal with emotional and financial issues at the same time when dealing with such a disease.

My aunt was also very kind to ask me to move in with her while I was undergoing treatment. However, I prefer to stay put where I was as I was more comfortable in my own place where I have all my stuff with me. Later that evening, my hubby's former schoolmate, who is currently working in NCC dropped by to speak to us about my condition. We were terribly grateful to him as he came all the way to our place even though he had just knocked off late in the night.

On 12th Feb (Fri), I went for the MRI test for my bones. It took longer than usual, as I was breathing too heavily initially and the machine could not produce images clear enough for diagnosis. I also felt that it was definitely more claustrophobic and noisier doing may MRI, than a CT PET scan. An hour later, I collected my test results from the clinic and headed for another consultation at Dr Karmen's clinic. I was hugely relieved to learn that my bones are fine, but was sad to learn that I was a triple negative case, which means that my cancer belongs to a very rare type of cancer, and there was no single drug for that. Nevertheless, Dr Karmen told me that she had consulted her colleagues in other hospitals and came up with a treatment plan that would work for me. I would be given Taxotere, Carboplatin and Avastin, and of course some drugs to help me combat the side effects of chemo. (Frankly speaking, all these terms were pretty new to me, and I have no idea what they are all about. Of course, I do know more about the drugs now after researching on the internet and consulting our doctor friend. In fact, I wished I had taken biology in school so that I can have a better understanding of some medical terms. Luckily, my hubby had studied biology and he stayed up every night doing research and reading medical reports on the net, on my behalf. Terribly grateful for that.)

Dr Karmen had suggested that I could start chemo on Friday itself, but I was having second thoughts about it. This was because I have yet to sink in all the facts after what seems like a roller-coaster ride week. I was definitely not mentally prepared for it. Worse still, I have yet to tell my parents about my condition and we were supposed to be having reunion dinner that night with them. The timing of all these was bad-right before the Chinese New Year. However, Dr Karmen was very understanding and she respected my decision to postpone the chemo to the following Wed. I would start right after the CNY break. Though she would not be in the clinic that day, she gave me her cellphone so that I can call her during any emergency. Later that afternoon, we visited my in-laws to reassure them that everything was fine and I was going ahead to seek treatment next week.

We went home that day, much more relieved and reassured than the previous days. The only thing that was lingering on my mind was how and when to break the news to my parents.